So I have a feeling that no one really pays any attention to my writings. Thats totally fine, I don’t blame you at all; to be honest, I don’t write a lot anyways and it’s not the most interesting topics.
“This blog served as an optional outlet to a personal diary in the beginning, then an agenda (or to-do list) for research.”
I really set a lot of goals and wanted to dive into a lot of topics that I though was perennially taxing, like abuse, inequity among genders and my thoughts on feminism. I also saw this a more of an outlet so I could have a voice, people frequently talk over me and disregard my thoughts as substandard.
“How could you be helping someone without their input, like how do you know if that person even wants help that way? What if you are doing everything wrong, you end up hurting them.”
I have been quite active on Quora the past year or so, I’ve spent a lot of my writing time on there. I find it easy when I am prompted to write something, which is weird and a habit I need to get a better handle on. It just so happens that what I am interested in writing about, and what everyone else is interested in reading, just doesn’t add up.
I have a very, very disorganized and complex mind. I do think that is the biggest problem with me is that people (mainly my parents) think they can reorganize it to their wishes. There was an incident at university, that got exaggerated at home. Basically Dr. Zakzanis who I worked under, thought it would be a great idea if he and his colleagues got together and dismantled my brain psychologically, and then put me back together to their specifications, it would be great.
“It wasn’t great, it failed, and now my life is miserable because my friends and family think that they can do the same thing, and re-piece whatever I have left.”
But here’s the good thing that came from it, I got to see who people are and how people conduct themselves when they perceive that they are at an advantage. Some may think I suffer from short term memory loss (I can’t remember things) which is why they feel the need to take advantage of the situation. So this whole time I am supposed to be “dormant”, asleep on an operating table to undergo an operation that I never had a say in. I’ve spent the last 4 years just sitting here, trying to put myself together in a way that I want to be put back together. After all, this is my life.
Every September, it feels like a new journey is about to begin; that I am going to start another mind-expanding conquest, of course my favourite season is approaching as well. Autumn. I can imagine that because I loved being social as a kid, yet my parents not so much, that I enjoyed school for that reason. I didn’t care about the work, my mother is the one who forced me into after school programs like Kumon.
“Funny, it turned out that I actually like math.”
So here we are in September, and I am ready to start writing again. But not just for this blog, or Quora, I want to do Journalism. I just started a new position as a Desk Exchange Community Animator at The Centre for Social Innovation in Toronto, this week.
“I’m fresh, but don’t get it confused; I’m going to make this bitch mine.”
I’m also looking to change up this website, not that I have a following that I need to alert; yet, it’s always better to be safer than sorry. I’m also looking to change up my wardrobe, organize my living space, and re-up on my diet and exercise routine.
And get tattooed.