Well, I did the “Vault of Glass: Day One” raid experience, I’ll most likely be talking about this for a while.

Admittingly, my first team didn’t get past the entrance to the raid. To open the door to the vault, you have to build a tower (called a “spire”) by standing on 3 plates. They are being constantly bombarded by enemies, trying to prevent the spire from being built and the team from entering the vault.

The plate I was protecting was fine, however narcissistic that sounds. I admit they weren’t fine at the beginning, I heard the raid was going to be set at level 1300, and my base level was 1309, so I thought I was going to be fine. Bungie, the company who develops Destiny franchise really celebrate the launch of raids by having a “Contest Mode” and awarding a belt to the world’s first team to complete the raid.

I, like many other gamers, dreamt of being part of a world’s first team, at least once in our Destiny adventures. Of course, I had been playing Destiny for just over 2 years and started seriously learning about raids this year, quickly I realized that I am probably not going to be part of a team that claims a world’s first title.

So there was “Contest Mode” enabled an everyone was under level, damaging the enemies was harder than usual, but not impossible. Yet, it was so much more intense that if I got hit with two consecutive shots, I died. Trust me, it was hard to find people to raid with because most gamers look at damage numbers alone. There are times where I wouldn’t take the risk to go and kill enemies or land the final blows because I am more focused on helping the team. Yet whenever we team die (called a “wipe”) and the score screen appears, everyone has large numbers and kills, well I have very few because I am the one using my grenade launcher that blinds the enemy. I’d rather help the team not die, so we can finish the objective, but not a lot of players think like that and they see my low numbers and just write me off as a dud.

I end up feeling bad because I am disabled and I accept fault for being the problem, I have a fine motor deficit and I struggle with a lot of task that require finite movement control, like aiming in first person shooters. However, I now realize that I shouldn’t be accepting blame for their inability to navigate a raid, contribute to the team, or ask questions or take directions and suggestions.

I do have to say that the Day One experience was totally worth every second, it literally took up my entire day. Time just flew by as I was trying to figure out the best possible strategies for myself playing with different teams. It’s hard playing with players who think so little of you, it creates a bad environment for any type of growth. I have recently started reading on the different cognitive benefits of playing various video games, and quickly read that strategy games are good for adults specifically. I can attest to Destiny and some of my cognitive abilities (such as strategizing and planning on the fly) become much quicker, and sharper. I can’t wait until gyms open back up.